*deep breath*
*stop sweating*
*you're not the first*
*panic attacks not welcome here*

oh...in case you were wondering, i'm about to drop a bomb on y'all.

i'm real REAL nervous. but people, things have been happening on the farm. life-changing things. rock your world things. sink or swim things.

and while i wish i was one of those gracious, beautiful, lovely women inside and out that seem to have a light shining on them...

i've turned into...me. just a more aggressive, unfriendly, argumentative, cry at least once a week me. it ain't pretty.

i'm all knocked up y'all! that's right...during those final winter months on the farm...i'll spare you the details. but think about it:

farm + winter = ????

so here we are, 21 weeks later. embracing the bump. it's been a little difficult for me, to say the least.

not because i've been sick or tired or symptomatic. but because i've discovered something about myself that i wish wasn't there.

i hate HATE hate attention. *GASP!*

you may find this to be a bit of an oxymoron. i mean...i write my little bloggy and then i advertise everywhere for people to go read my bloggy.

that doesn't sound like a girl who doesn't like attention, now does it?

uh, no.

you see, the attention i get from the blog is just a quick note or comment saying, "i read your blog!" or, "i loved your post today!" and then it's over.

the attention you get when someone finds out you're with child is a whole new level of zero boundaries.

we're talkin tears, hugs, and some serious invasion of personal privacy. and let's not forget the most popular question:

"how are you feeling?" "how are you feeling?" "how are you feeling?" "how are you feeling?" "how are you feeling?" "how are you feeling?" "how are you feeling?" "how are you feeling?" (and about 1000 more times.)

answer: i feel just dandy. like a million bucks. i feel like ME. and maybe that's why i'm having such a rough go at it all. it's like people are looking for a different answer. they want to hear that you feel different and are radiating love and are floating on cloud nine and...i hate to disappoint...i really feel no different...minus my now even more giant tas. sweet mother of...

oh, and those aren't off limits for people to talk about either. actually, it's the first thing they usually say, "your (tas) are HUGE?!" or "look at the size of..." or "they were always big,  but they're even bigger!"

yes people, i know this.

i digress...

i guess these people are crying, hugging, invading, exclaiming out of pure love. right?

seriously...i didn't realize how much my farmer and i are loved until we started telling our nearest and dearest. it makes my cold, dark heart fill up (just a little) with emotion knowing that the love they are showing us now will be multiplied by one million when our prize arrives.
and so...i declare...EMBRACE THE BUMP.

that's what i'm going to have to do, isn't it? i can't just hide in our farm house until it's here...or can i?

while i know i'll never be one of those beaming, beautiful, gracious women who is more fabulous because they can put it all out there...i'm sure going to try.

and holla holla to the fabulous miss amy for taking these pictures of moi in the middle of her yard/hay field/silo.

i wasn't exactly the best subject. there was a lot of standing and "what should i do's?" and some pretty ugly faces.