i wouldn't say i typically use this space (or ever) for deep thoughts...by karli. but i have something that weighs so heavily on me each day it's hard to not want to write about it.

it's that pesky decision that will change your life all over again - the third baby.

i swore and swore and swore we were done with two. call it a day, you were never going to see me with a belly again...unless i decided to go back to my nightly ice cream eating ways.

i began making plans to change sawyer's nursery into my office. i have really good ideas to make it a combo space so we can hide away all the girl's arts and crafts goodies too. and the ever-important questions - what should my desk look like? should i buy a huge monitor? what about a couch? our grey couch would look great in that room...and then i could get a new couch for the great room. crown moulding or chair rail or both? new curtains? new artwork? how will i hide the cords? i hate cords...

but...i keep refraining from pulling any sort of trigger because...what about that third baby?

the girls will have a really good day and i'll think - oh yes. baby #3 - i can do that.

then, the next day will be hell on earth with endless tantrums and fights and maybe kaye even decides to leave a 20 foot pee trail through the house because she didn't make it to the bathroom (happened two days ago) and i think - ah helllllllll no. third? what was i thinking? 

then i think about how kaye will be in school soon and sawyer just after that and i get a little sad...but then i get a little happy because i think about how fun and fulfilled i've felt since starting Karli Bell Branding & Design. i mean...i'm not making a ba-gillion dollars, but i'm making enough to support an excessive lulu lemon habit...and i can even buy my farmer a birthday present with my very own money...or book us a vacation or two.

(that's right - his money is our money and my money is my money.)

speaking of vacation - have a third baby? i feel like we'd be on hold again. and then when we're not on hold...who on earth would want to watch three kids? we can barely find someone to watch both girls for one night.

and of course there is the breast feeding and waking up multiple times a night for months and mountains of diapers and and and...yay. it all seems so wonderful.

but in all reality...it is pretty wonderful.

ultimately - what's holding me up from making the decision to or to not go for this third kid is the future. yeah yeah yeah, the baby phase is great. super cute. super easy. but what about the future? the idea of attending their extra curricular activities and skiing together and holidays with a big family and generally the chaos that comes with having three mini-adults running around the house sounds amazing.

that third baby. baby baby baby.

in other news - it's my birthday month. you can find me online shopping.